I would love to be able to control everything in my world. I would. I admit it… I am not ashamed. Control freak right here!
When I feel out of control… things get uncomfortable fast! In fact I think that there is an actual cruise control button in my brain that gets pushed the minute I feel out of control. However, the effect isn’t necessarily that I take charge… instead I leap into seeking comfort which is the stagnant land of the “usual”… not change and not control. So, in the spirit of any 12 step program, I have decided to find peace with the ways of change and control.
Many times I have referred to feeling out of control with my eating and weight loss, but with the circumstances of my present life, I realize that my eating is one of the few things that is within my control. I can choose what I eat, how much I eat, and how much I exercise. Saying that I am out of control is a fib and I am calling myself out on it! Now, I may not be able to control how much weight I lose within a certain amount of time… there are too many factors in play, but I can control every other part of the process. When there is something in life I can actually change I need to make the decision to take action if it is something, in fact, I can control. I want to stop the fibbing and feeling stuck.
It is so easy to fall into excuse mode in life. My excuses tend to be like a “What If Bomb” went off in my brain and exploded out of my mouth. I make decisions, or dare I say excuses, based on a future scenario that hasn’t happened yet but is a possibility in my chronically programmed worst case scenario mind. My motto has always been “plan for the worst/ expect the best”. Not the most positive motto to have, and if I never get over the fear of the “worst “, I will always be where and what I am in this moment. Never grow. Never learn. Never take my own life into my own hands. I will be leaving my entire life up to other people and their decisions. Talking about out of control!
So let’s revisit the mantra of numerous 12 Step Programs out there:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” by Reinhold Niebuhr
It seems so simple.
I have taken stock of my current situation and recognized the top areas that I would like to change in my life that are also within my control…
1. My weight and overall health
2. My career
I would like to take this opportunity to thank my man for yet another wonderful talk which inspired this post, and let him know that he was right! Honey, please save this link for future reference and quick access.
If you are a near and dear friend of mine I have no doubt that we have had numerous conversations numerous times about both of these issues. I apologize. I will be remedying the situation as soon as possible. Both of these areas are within my control to change. These things are not mystical elemental beings that live among unicorns, but realistic concepts. I think sometimes I turn the concepts of weight/health and career, into unreachable dreams… not only because I am afraid of failing, but also when I imagine how my life would be different it actually seems pretty amazing… and that goes against every “What If” “Worst Case Scenario” instinctual morsel of my doomsday brain. Now, that is not to say that I haven’t sat down, stood up, run around, cried out, or sniffled about every bad thing that could possible happen if I start trying to achieve these goals to my full potential. I have. And that is why I haven’t yet achieved these things. But the fact that I can actually visualize the best case scenario is just as powerful, which is why there has been so much conflict and not a lot of forward movement. It is my natural tendency to resist “the amazing” and settle for the ‘status quo” in order to never experience the possible “worst case scenario”… a.k.a. I push the cruise control button. I consider myself a pretty sharp cookie, but I sure can come up with some silly shit to believe in.
If all goes well, I hope to see some serious changes in the coming months! Life is too precious to not live it courageously.