Moving forward is just plain terrifying!
Or not? What is this I am feeling? Is this dread or excitement?
Funny how the two feelings create the same sensation inside. You know… that senation where your insides feel like they are trying to vibrate out of your belly button… where you feel like you have inside organ shivers. Well that has been the constant state of my insides for the last 24 hours. I have finally made some progress with my eternal career identity crisis. I am finally pursing a day job.
As most of you know I have been struggling with my career path for years and since my husband was laid off I have started feeling this responsibility to create a real career instead of all of my hobby “jobs”. I have decided to pursue two paths simultaneously. The first is my “reality path”. My reality path consists of getting into Human Resources. I knew I couldn’t return to Social Work for fear of spontaneous combustion, so, after evaluating my skill-set I realized Human Resources is very closely related to what I was doing without the threat of Stage 4 Crazy Erica Syndrome. Now, trying to get into Human Resources without certifications may be difficult, but if any of you out there have any advice, knowledge, or contacts in the field I would love to hear from you!
The second path is my “dream path”. I am calling it my “dream path” because it seems a bit more complicated in bringing it to fruition and it doesn’t seem like the “responsible” choice? (I am not quite sure how to explain why it is a “dream path” since it is a real career for many people, so I felt the ? was necessary to illustrate the enigma that is my effort at a jewelry design career… not so much for grammar’s sake.) With regards to my efforts at applying for jewelry design positions I will not be divulging how many or to what positions I apply to for fear of a creative meltdown also known as Crushed Dream Syndrome due to potential criticism and rejection. I finally created my online portfolio, The Rebel Roxy, which needs to be tweaked a bit more, but I am not postponing things any longer…I am just putting it out there. I am not sure what I would actually do if I was offered a position because it would most likely require relocation back to NYC. I guess I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it. Woo! Look at me just going with the flow… all loosey-goosey! I am wild I tell ya!
So, how has all of this affected my end of the year weight maintenance. Well let’s just say that my grocery cart consisted of Peanut Butter M&M’s, Mint Truffle Hershey’s Kisses, Cheetos (which have not been in our house for over a year… at least not a big bag of them), The Devil (a.k.a white cheddar popcorn), and last but not least 2 kinds of breakfast pastries… which in our house could also be called dinner. So with my pants tightening I have yet to step on the scale. I know, I know… not facing the music doesn’t mean the music isn’t on… I just can’t quite face it right now. I will avoid the scale for another week or two… or three… four tops… and then climb on the ‘ole truth machine and face the music!
People may get tired of hearing it, but weight loss really is a journey. A journey where I stop and visit the lands of Empowerment, Control, Strength, Failure, Weakness, No Motivation, and Hope Valley. Then there is the Den of Slack, the Isle of Denial, Fat Fanny Farm, and of course the final destination of Success-ville! I am currently at an exit eating Cheetos and will be merging back into reality soon… okay enough of this lame metaphor!
I am grateful that I had the strength to finally make some career decisions and start moving forward. Sometimes half the battle is the very first step. I need to work on just taking one thing at a time and realize that if it isn’t working to try something else.