Real life Vs. The dream
I have been reading a lot of blogging books and articles in the hopes of increasing my audience and something perplexed me. One of the things that kept popping up was the idea that in order to keep readers interested don’t tell them about your bad days. At first I was like, “Oh, that’s why my readership isn’t at 1 million yet… of course, what was I thinking. Bombarding inspiration seeking minds with everyday crap.” And then the real me decided to think for herself for a minute… “Why in the world would I waste my time lying to people? Not just people, but friends and family.” The whole point of starting my blog was to hold myself accountable, to share my feelings, to illustrate the victories and struggles of trying to do something that can be very difficult. It was a way to reach out and create a story that people might actually want to read. I don’t know about anyone else, but I like hearing the hard stuff as much as the easy stuff. If something is just a boatload of sunshine… first off, I look around for the cult leader… and secondly, I get what feels like sugar sensitivity in my teeth. Life isn’t always the sweet stuff we share on Facebook. A friend posted a quote from Steve Furtick that said “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” Now, I am not sure who Steve Furtick is, and really I don’t care, because it just might sway how I feel about the quote, none-the-less, that quote was right on.
I was joking one day that I should try to start a Facebook trend where people post pictures about the real things that they did that day. Instead of the photo showing me saving an injured chipmunk while climbing Mt. Everest, I posted photos of scrubbing off that weird mildew that collects in the basement toilet. Or, perhaps, time stamped photos of when I sat down in front of the TV just for lunch, and when I really got up. I might still do this… so consider the idea Copyrighted.
The point is I don’t think that a personal blog can tell the whole story if I leave out the hard parts. The maybe-not-so-inspiring parts. I can’t’ even leave out the redundant parts because this is my life. I don’t want to edit my journey to seem prettier than it really is… not that I don’t have pretty moments to share, I do. It’s just that most people don’t have pretty moments all of the time. So, if you are looking for a pretty blog there are plenty of them out there. If you are looking for a blog where it is success and never ending inspiration all of the time… this isn’t it. If you are looking for a blog where you read the good, bad, pretty and ugly… you my friend have come to the right place.
So on to the real news. I have gained 7 lbs back since the beginning of August. I have literally been in the 250’s for 6 months. I was just below the line for a while, but the 250’s are back. I really think that I just don’t know how to do this. No, that’s a fib, I do know… I have just been choosing not to do it. I haven’t been eating right. I haven’t been exercising. At this point if I could just try to maintain during the holidays that would be a major success. I would like to get lower than that. My original goal was to try and be under 200 pounds by Dec. 31st… not sure that is going to happen… Yes, hubby, I hear you… “Not with that attitude.” So what is my attitude?
Do you ever feel like you just have so much going on that you just can’t rally the troops to do anything at all? That is how I have been feeling, for several months now. Since the hubby got laid off, I have been struggling with the idea of the real life responsibility vs. the dream responsibility. For instance… should I go out and get a real day job again that pays 40 hours a week so that we can pay bills, buy food, have health insurance, but all the while it sucks the very life out of my soul… you know real life? Or, should I continue my multiple “profit stream” self employment with scarce paychecks and a lack of direction while feeding my creative monster and joie de vivre very well? And to top it off… there is the weight loss attempt in the midst of the stress. I now understand why job loss is on the top list of most stressful events in people’s lives. It’s not just about the money… it’s about all of the decisions and back up plans that need to be put into place… or you realize should have been put into place. All of the “what-if” scenarios that are constantly running through my mind… exhausting. It truly is an exhausting existence if you let it get to you… which I have. I just don’t have the motivation, the fire, the drive, the ambition right now to go for all of the things that I want or need to go for… Erica is tired.
So… there is the ugly this week my friends. I am not sharing for encouragement or a shoulder to cry on… simply sharing to add to the whole story not just the pretty bits. Hopefully, my story will be one that I look back on and say, “Wow, look at all that I went through. What a journey indeed.”