Reflections on my place in this world…
July has been filled with moments of reflection and questioning of just where my place in the world might be… the month was filled with birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, and relaunches, and I have been filled with an overwhelming need to ponder my role in this crazy world, or in other words, what the heck am I doing with my life?
Attending two 20 year high school reunions in one month was terrifying… I mean enlightening. In all honesty it truly was enlightening. I am grateful for all of the fun, contemplative, sincere, and personal conversations I was able to have with everyone. Those conversations reminded me that we are all just trying to do our best and figure life out as we go. I don’t think that there was one person I spoke to that had all of “the answers” and I am so thankful for that! Frankly, if there had been that one all-knowing-person, I just might have bopped them in the nose!
We are all in constant transition. Relationships change, health changes, bodies change, careers change, goals change… It just made me realize that I am truly right where I am supposed to be, right now in my life, and that simply is my place in this world.
It doesn’t matter that I didn’t make the goal weight I was shooting for by my reunion. It doesn’t matter that my weight loss has been painstakingly slow… like really slow… I mean, super duper slow. It doesn’t matter that my career or bank account isn’t exactly how I had always pictured it to be… at least not yet.
I have to say I was a bit anxious to attend the reunions: 1) because of my experience at my 10 year high school reunion 2) because I just didn’t know how I was going to feel when I heard about others successes and failures. Why would that make me anxious and what does it have to do with my place in this world? Ultimately, my subconscious need to automatically compare myself to everyone else in a blink of an eye leads me down a path of self criticism and doubt about my own path and progress. When I realized what was happening in my beautifully neurotic mind, a sense of calm came over me, because I realized that I don’t have anyone to impress but myself. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I am right where I am supposed to be on my journey. The sense of calm I felt at both reunions gave way to having a wonderful time talking to everyone no matter their circumstances, whether in a happy place or a sad place… a scary place or a beautiful place… I just let myself respect where they might be, knowing that I too am right where I am supposed to be.
We are all on a unique journey… enjoying it, surviving it with grace, dignity, honesty, compassion and respect for others and ourselves is the only way to make it through with no regrets. The journey isn’t always easy, but I am realizing it is much more peaceful and powerful if I follow my heart… because, frankly, the head doesn’t make sense most of the time!